Allium-induced MADNESS!

I have been miserable for a while now, but especially for the last 2 weeks. I've been eating like shit, rarely getting enough water, and not exercising. I go through periods of sleep deprivation followed by sleeping 8-9 hours a night and still feeling like a nap every day at 1pm. So there's not only one thing to blame, but on Monday it finally got to the point where I realized I will fail out of school if I don't do something drastic. I felt drunk and/or high the entire night, and other people noticed how ridiculously stupid I sounded every time I spoke.

So, firstly, I have started going to the gym again, and today I will start doing yoga again a few times a week. I've stopped all caffeine consumption, as my sleep has been disrupted and even the small amount I've been drinking in my daily green tea may be fucking with me. I'm going to bed earlier and getting up earlier, so that I'm not in class a mere 30 minutes after I wake up (people wonder why my hair always looks like shit).

But the number one, shitty, difficult, but necessary step I'm (we're) taking is getting me back on a completely allium-free diet. No onions, no garlic, no chives, no leeks. Nada. When I obstain from alliums, my mind is remarkably clearer. No brain fog, no drunken/highness, I can get away with less sleep and still feel good.

Let's be honest here, I am a complete baby when it comes to food. I cannot do this on my own, because I simply cannot be an adult and face my food addictions. I go through withdrawals big time when I give up alliums, and my first reactions are always to feel pitiful, whine, and scheme on how to get an onion burger or some cool ranch doritos in my belly, stat. So, Michael being on board is pretty much a must for my success in the first week. Luckily, after he saw how miserable I was Monday, he jumped on it and made a meal plan for the week. He even took me out to Whole Foods last night to show me that I could, in fact, eat out and get something besides a salad with no dressing.

As we speak, he is making a brined chicken with roasted veggies. Allium free, and most certainly delicious. The man is a much better cook than I, thank god. So, hopefully by the time my next finals roll around, I won't be stupid anymore. We shall see.

55%. And boobs.

So I got my first test grade back. Mind you, these classes this semester only last 5 weeks each, so each one only has one test. The test grade is your grade. I got a 55% in Immunology. Motherfucker. So, I went out on Friday night with my classmates and had the kind of night that ends with me puking up bratwurst in the bathtub at 9am the next day. But 2 random younger (cute!) guys told me I was beautiful, so success. As for Immuno, my only hope is that I realized that one of the lectures might not have been included in the grade yet, and I think I did fairly well on it, so maybe just maybe I'll end up with a D. Hooooray....

I've always loved Lush, and now we have one in OKC! In the mall closest to my house! And I've found my new obsession--Lovely Jubblies. Its a boob cream that I guess maybe is supposed to firm em up a bit, but all I care about it that it makes them super soft and they smell delicous. I haven't bought it yet, because I feel bad about spending $25 to make my boobs smell amazing, but since I can't stop thinking about how much I love it I might have to give in. Seriously, I'm just glad they are big enough that I can shove my face in between them and inhale deeply, that's how much I love this stuff. And yes, I do this in public.

Speaking of, I've been fairly conscious of my boobs the past few months. It started right before I started noticing how many guys stare at them, and I don't know if its because I'm paying more attention to them and showing them off more that people are staring more, or that I just never noticed the ubiquitous staring because I didn't pay enough attention. Anyway, now I've gotten slightly narcissistic about them. I never thought of them as being big before, just normal. But my classmates are making me realize that their size is not quite normal, but closer to giant. Cool beans. :-P
(except that I've been gaining weight and my bras are way too small now in the cup. I refuse, REFUSE to buy bigger than DDD...so no more Braum's, Lynsie!).

Yep, that's all I have to contribute for now. A failing test grade, vomiting, and boobs. What would this world be like without my engrossing blogs?

How does one reconcile and make time for all the different parts of a normal life? The work Lynsie, the school Lynsie, the private Lynsie, the public Lynsie. Now, time management is definitely a big problem for me, but it goes beyond that. I need to go on a journey of self-discovery, but without it being toxic to any of the different pieces of me, and I really haven't found a way to do that. In the past, I've tried, and it either ruined something with my work, my friendships, my relationship, or just my private self, me.

I'll be 30 in a few months, and I feel like I should have grown up more by now. Mike accuses me of acting like a child still, and I guess that is true in many ways.

I'm not sure the point of this, I just really think that our generation is screwed in a lot of ways. We were taught that we can be ANYTHING if we get an education and we have the willpower, and mostly that is a lie. In some ways our parents, many of whom had a set path in life that left little choice, had it a bit easier when it came to awareness of who they are and what is expected of them. So many people our age are just drifting, and have no idea what to make of their lives. Even those of us that chose wisely in education and career paths can feel so lost.

We have the illusion of the world being open to us, but when we get into the actual world, we realize how many obstacles and limitations are in the way.

Hmm...how to wrap up? I guess I just don't know how to cultivate joy in my life right now, with the pressures of school, work, family, household, love... How do I find the time and energy to better myself, to find what matters most to me, to find meaningful pastimes that enrich my....soul, for lack of a better word.

In short, I would like to drop off the face of the earth for a few weeks and spend time on me, myself, and I. But, it isn't possible, and even if it was, would I actually come back with what I desire, or just a need for more?

February

So, how are my resolutions going, you ask? Well, the one to be prettier is working. Wait, I don't think I talked about that here. My brother Jeff's lovely wife Victoria had two New Year's resolutions. One: to be prettier. Two: to put herself before others. I see nothing wrong with these, and stole the first for myself. Since then I've had a classmate text me about how pretty I've been looking, many strangers complimenting my outfits (never happened in the past, probably because I generally looked like shit) and I have an admirer at Freddy's Frozen Custard who admitted that he has 2 kids (one is 15) and a felony. So, BAM! As for the whole "bettering myself"....we'll just say its a work in progress, but I feel there's at least a little progress. Movin on up!

One thing I've been definitely meaning to do is frame some artwork and get more beautiful shit on our mostly bare walls. Prettify, bitches!
Got this from my stepmom for Xmas. Pretty colors!
Had this framed on our wall in NOLA, but in a frame that looked pretty awful with it and eventually went to our badass Witchcraft print. This is much better and will make me happy to have a reminder of our other home.
Lauren painted me this for Xmas and made me ridiculously happy. I LOVE HOMEMADE GIFTS! I love this painting! Its a frog's reproductive system. Awesomeness.
And, I finally got an air plant for my favorite little deer! Its a bit small right now, but it'll get a little bigger and look even more great-er. Truth.

In other news, we're starting to watch Archer Season 2 on the bluray I got my man because I love him. So I'm off to enjoy that.

Two important things

1. I love tea. I never used to drink it, but in the past few years (especially after finding the magic of rooibos) I've been drinking the shit out of it.
So, in a bit of an homage to the lovely Leigh, here's my Yogi tea "fortune". It made me happy. Also, I was trying to take the picture with low flash, because the light in my kitchen sucks but so does taking pictures with just flash...so this is what happens when you put your finger partially over the thing.

Also, Victoria got us into the British way of drinking tea, and the way the milk looks bubbling up from the bottom also pleases me.


2. This is like peanut butter...but made with crushed up cookies. How can you beat this? And don't worry, you don't need anything to eat it with save a spoon. Or your finger.



*This post brought to you by pomegranate margaritas and boredom. Thanks for listening to tea and cookie butter.

Learning is Fun!

Last semester was pretty much balls. We didn't get to choose our classes, and we had constant tests. None of it was fun in any way, because even the few things that would have been awesome to learn were just more weights being added onto our backs come test time.

This semester is a bit different, however. We will have 12 one-hour credit classes that each last 5 weeks, and are only made up of ten lectures. We had choices (although it was only 2-3 choices per time block, but that's better than nothing!). There was an element of control for us this semester, and we will only have tests every 5 weeks instead of every other week.

So, there are actually parts to this semester so far that have been really interesting, and even at times (gasp!) fun. So, I thought I'd tell you a little about what I'm learning tonight in my reading for my Genes to Physiology class tomorrow.

The reason that you feel lightheaded when you stand up is that the weight of all that blood in your body kind of sends it all crashing down to your legs, and there are nerves near your carotid arteries that recognize this and quickly work to make up for this difference by increasing your blood volume for a short time. This weight is why your feet swell and hurt--because of blood pooling, and to keep this from happening too much (and to keep from fainting if you lock your knees for too long), you need to occasionally contract and release your leg muscles a few times to cause the pooled blood to go back to your heart. Also, if you faint after giving blood it has absolutely nothing to do with your blood volume--it has only to do with the emotional center of your brain. So, no matter what anyone says, if they faint from giving blood it is because they are a wimp.

Oh, and if someone faints, you shouldn't try to get them upright! They fainted because of less blood going to the brain, so keeping them horizontal is what helps the most.

After a large loss of blood, the first mechanism that happens is something called autotransfusion, which basically means that your body takes interstitial fluid and adds it to your bloodstream, which dilutes out all the blood cells but keeps your mean arterial pressure more constant. Then you can slowly start to make more blood cells to replenish that shizz.

Weight training too much is bad for your heart!! What happens when you are lifting like that is that your heart starts trying to get more blood to these muscles, but the contraction is forcing the blood vessels more closed, and the extra blood isn't able to force its way in there. If you do this too much without rest or at least some good cardio thrown in there, it starts causing it causes hypertrophy of your left ventricle wall and lower volume in that chamber.

Ok, hopefully that was actually interesting to you, and if not, fuck off. Or, read this bit of depressing news:

More heart disease!

2012

I gave up New Year's resolutions a few years ago because they were always the same and I never stuck with them like I wanted to. You know, cook more, work out more, etc. I decided to make one this year because I've gotten stuck in a rut of pseudo-depression and laziness this past year. My resolution is to be a better person, all around. I have problems keeping up with my friends and family, keeping close to my Michael, keeping up with my work and my school, and keeping up with my house and my mutts. So, I'm going to work at being more present and more aware, more grateful and more open, more active and more studious. I will strive to be a better friend, lover, sister, daughter, coworker, employee, classmate, and citizen. I want to like who I am. I don't feel like I should change my whole personality, but its just that the last year I spent far too much time doing nothing and feeling busy. Ever get into that cycle of depression where you sit around, maybe watching TV too much, or playing on the internet too much, or even just staring at the wall, and then you don't have time for cleaning, cooking, reading, talking, walking, or anything? That was most of my year. SO! Here we go, 2012, I have high hopes! I will celebrate 15 years with Michael this year, I will marry him this year, I will finish my first year of graduate school, I will help my mother through the first anniversary of the tornado, I will travel, I will eat delicious food, I will laugh and I will enjoy my life.

This post was brought to you by my head cold and Dayquil--my stomach is sore from coughing so much, my head feels stuffed with cotton, and my brain is moving so slowly that I'm sure this post sounds like it was written by a child or someone with alzheimers.

Edit: I totally forgot to mention that I will also turn 30 this year. This shows how little regard I have for age, it really doesn't bother me. But, I will not be married when I turn 30, that will make me an old maid!