Self Improvement

I have a myriad of issues, some from childhood, some from circumstances out of my control, some self-inflicted. They all have been conspiring to leave me in a never ending cycle of anxiety or apathy for too long. There are glimpses, flashes, of happiness and "normalcy", but then I go back to either being totally stressed and freaked out or where the only feelings I seem to have come from crying during movie trailers. My health crashed to a 3 week period of sickness at the beginning of my first semester of grad school (Christmas break was filled with naps, cough-induced headaches, and boxes of kleenex). Then I spent my second semester having a serious of outbreaks. All caused by my complete and utter inability to deal with the stresses of classwork. So, I have started counseling. Its free through the school, the cost is included in all our fees (which the Cell Biology department pays for me...yessss!), so why the hell wouldn't I take advantage of someone listening to my problems for an hour and giving me advice?! And, bonus, I love my counselor. I had met him before, Mike and I took a marriage course last year with several other couples. Turns out he also used to be a personal trainer at the gym here, so I'm getting a two for one package, since he's helping me with my personal shit and also helping to get me on a better exercise/diet regimen. BAM! So, part of it is that I need to keep myself motivated, and he recommended that I try to start blogging again to keep tabs on myself. Done and did, sir. So, on the table for today: start setting myself up with a workout schedule, easy at first, but that I put into my Outlook calendar on my fancy smartphone so that the little "ding"! goes off reminding me "Oh, I need to go for a walk now!" Or, "shit, gotta get to bed early, tomorrow I'm riding my bike to work!". Also, make a god damn meal plan, then a god damn grocery list, then go to the god damn grocery store with said list. So that there's no last minute excuse of "crap, no food in the house...better pick up Braum's on the way home." But he also stressed leaving room to fuck up in my plan, because I've always had the problem of an "all or nothing" mentality in my life. So, since one of our summer students has never had Braum's before (!!), I'm taking both of the summer kiddies out for lunch today for a burger and shake. Then I'm going to ride my bike home and eat some soup. :D