How to Help

Holy shit.  This day has been insane.  As you may know, my mother's house was completely taken by a tornado May 24, 2011.  It was the single most stressful and heartbreaking experience of my life thus far.  I figured I'd make a nice guide for people who (like most of us) are sitting staring at endless hours of TV and internet footage of devastation wondering how in the hell they can help.

Donations:  people always think of the same things to donate, and these are helpful things, but then when everyone gives the same stuff, you end up like my mother with a lifetime supply of deodorant, soap, and canned food, but none of the other important or not-so-important things that would also mean the world to a person that just lost everything.  

So, my advice on those things that are less donated but much appreciated:

Bins.  Big ole nice plastic bins.  If your house is still kind of there (as most of mom's was, in the other ditch), you will be digging through the rubble trying to salvage important things.  You'll need a nice place to put those things until you have a house again.  If your house is totally wiped off the map with no trace, you will still need places to keep the donations you receive.

Anything for pets.  When you are so devastated, it can be a great comfort to know that your fur babies are as comfortable as you can make them.  Pet food is needed, and things like bowls, leashes, and beds are great.  It made mom really happy to get a nice cat bed from one of the donation sites.

Medicine.  Everyone seemed to give first aid type things like neosporin, gauze, aspirin.  But people still need things like allergy pills, midol, migraine meds, pepto, etc.

Uneccessary shit to make you feel better.  Things like makeup, nail polish, hair dryers (mom was happy to get this), curling irons.  The first bit after you lose everything you are just in shock, but once you get to the point of trying to put things back together it can feel amazing to "pretty up" a bit, even though it seemed to silly and unnecessary at first.

Home-y stuff.  Your entire house is gone.  At first it seems like homelessness is all you'll know for a while, but after a bit you want to start thinking of rebuilding your life.  Sheet sets, silverware sets, trash cans, things like this help you to start to see that you will recover, eventually.

If you know someone or have anywhere to give something directly to those affected, the greatest thing EVER is GIFTCARDS.  When you've lost everything it feels good to get things from shelters and donation sites but it feels even better to go pick out new things yourself.

All I can say is that it was amazing to see how people can come together to help.  And also, occasionally amazing to see how people DIDN'T come together.  Its a time for learning how incredible humanity in general really is (enough that you can forget the small bits of assholishness you see from some of the people you thought cared about you).

Other than donations, after the rescues are finished and they can clear up the most dangerous debris, people need help sifting through the wreckage, and it can feel so good to have able bodies show up and offer to help in any way.  It is physically and emotionally exhausting to go through the broken pieces of your belongings.  But one thing here:  follow the rules set up by the homeowners.  Don't assume something is trash unless they ok it.  Let them tell you what to do and not to do.  

Now one more thing.  People will come out in DROVES at first.  The next couple of days will be an outpouring.  But this takes time.  And I would say to you, unless you know someone to go help immediately, wait to go help.  The May 24th tornado was on a Tuesday.  Wednesday we had a shitload of help.  Thursday we had a fair amount.  Saturday and Sunday, being the weekend, we had a lot of help.  But Friday?  Well, by that point, people couldn't afford to take off work anymore.  And the stress at that point on my mother and I, after 3 pretty much sleepless night and 3 very very stressful days in the hot sun sifting through dead animals and ruined memories was almost unbearable.  I remember my sister-in-law taking mom into town to get her away for a little bit, and my brother and I were alone on the pile of what once was a part of my home, and I just broke down.  I couldn't take anymore and it was so lonely.  So, this bout today was on a Monday.  I hope that people have not forgotten how much help these people will need by Thursday or Friday.  I hope they don't have such a horribly lonesome, hopeless moment like that.

Efoa?

Let's just say a few things about life right now.

Last week in Seattle for my ARVO conference was amazing.  The city is beautiful, I had a great time with my science-y friends, and my talk went great.  I've never felt so confident in front of a group of scientists.  I knew my research, I knew my talk, and the propanalol didn't hurt anything..... (shhhh....better living through chemistry).  I ate seafood every day and loved it, found out that there's a huge difference between the taste of different oysters (this restaurant had like 50 different ones to choose from, it was insane), found out how amazing fresh mussels are, and that I don't really prefer clams.  Ok, there's a lot more, but I'll put up a photo-rific post later on all of it.  Oh, and my phone was lost and/or stolen.  Luckily I had uploaded most of my pictures to my computer, but I still lost two amazing days' worth.  Wah waaaaaah.

Then, I get back.  And study, study, study.  For naught.  I did NOT pass this time on my oral exam.  It was a disaster and I don't even want to think about it.  Dr. Ding forced me (for good reason, I know) to think it over and write down the questions I didn't answer well, but after I did that I just wanted to forget for a while.  And so, I will come back to that list in a week.  Or two.  Or three.  There were four of us that took it and 2 passed.  Now on to my rewrite of my proposal, which I guess better be awesome possum after that fiasco.  I believe I will have to retake the oral in August, which means several more months of stress and studying.  Yay.

I'm going to ask Dr. Ding today for time off starting the end of next week, and Derrick and I are going to visit his sister in Ohio.  I want to go see my family, but since he has no one but Vasty in this entire countrycontinent, I decided my family can come later in the summer.  Hopefully I can use that time to destress, unwind, and forget about this b.s. for a little bit.  I haven't had a true, real vacation since school started.  I only took 3 days for my damn honeymoon for godsakes, and 12 hours of those three days were spent driving.  So if she doesn't approve after I ask her, I'm just going to have to TELL her I'm going.  Should be fun, but she's tiger-mom-dissappointed in me already for my exam so meh.

Other than that, I'm having ridiculous mood swings between sadness/anger/joy over my exam, my hatred of being in the lab right now, and my rather cute boyfriend.  Also, at my counselor's urging, last night began my two weeks of NO TV.  I waste too much time on it, and I need to do other things.  Yesterday evening was spent listening to music, playing in our new garden (pics to come), chatting, and eating the delicious red-red that I proudly made from scratch with no help from any Africans.  It was much better than previous nights of endless staring at a box.  I will have to break this two week stint for one thing though...the season finale of Bates Motel next Monday. 

Ok, off to actually work, and then the dreaded task of asking for vacation after spending a week in Seattle and then failing my test.  Yay.