55%. And boobs.

So I got my first test grade back. Mind you, these classes this semester only last 5 weeks each, so each one only has one test. The test grade is your grade. I got a 55% in Immunology. Motherfucker. So, I went out on Friday night with my classmates and had the kind of night that ends with me puking up bratwurst in the bathtub at 9am the next day. But 2 random younger (cute!) guys told me I was beautiful, so success. As for Immuno, my only hope is that I realized that one of the lectures might not have been included in the grade yet, and I think I did fairly well on it, so maybe just maybe I'll end up with a D. Hooooray....

I've always loved Lush, and now we have one in OKC! In the mall closest to my house! And I've found my new obsession--Lovely Jubblies. Its a boob cream that I guess maybe is supposed to firm em up a bit, but all I care about it that it makes them super soft and they smell delicous. I haven't bought it yet, because I feel bad about spending $25 to make my boobs smell amazing, but since I can't stop thinking about how much I love it I might have to give in. Seriously, I'm just glad they are big enough that I can shove my face in between them and inhale deeply, that's how much I love this stuff. And yes, I do this in public.

Speaking of, I've been fairly conscious of my boobs the past few months. It started right before I started noticing how many guys stare at them, and I don't know if its because I'm paying more attention to them and showing them off more that people are staring more, or that I just never noticed the ubiquitous staring because I didn't pay enough attention. Anyway, now I've gotten slightly narcissistic about them. I never thought of them as being big before, just normal. But my classmates are making me realize that their size is not quite normal, but closer to giant. Cool beans. :-P
(except that I've been gaining weight and my bras are way too small now in the cup. I refuse, REFUSE to buy bigger than DDD...so no more Braum's, Lynsie!).

Yep, that's all I have to contribute for now. A failing test grade, vomiting, and boobs. What would this world be like without my engrossing blogs?

How does one reconcile and make time for all the different parts of a normal life? The work Lynsie, the school Lynsie, the private Lynsie, the public Lynsie. Now, time management is definitely a big problem for me, but it goes beyond that. I need to go on a journey of self-discovery, but without it being toxic to any of the different pieces of me, and I really haven't found a way to do that. In the past, I've tried, and it either ruined something with my work, my friendships, my relationship, or just my private self, me.

I'll be 30 in a few months, and I feel like I should have grown up more by now. Mike accuses me of acting like a child still, and I guess that is true in many ways.

I'm not sure the point of this, I just really think that our generation is screwed in a lot of ways. We were taught that we can be ANYTHING if we get an education and we have the willpower, and mostly that is a lie. In some ways our parents, many of whom had a set path in life that left little choice, had it a bit easier when it came to awareness of who they are and what is expected of them. So many people our age are just drifting, and have no idea what to make of their lives. Even those of us that chose wisely in education and career paths can feel so lost.

We have the illusion of the world being open to us, but when we get into the actual world, we realize how many obstacles and limitations are in the way.

Hmm...how to wrap up? I guess I just don't know how to cultivate joy in my life right now, with the pressures of school, work, family, household, love... How do I find the time and energy to better myself, to find what matters most to me, to find meaningful pastimes that enrich my....soul, for lack of a better word.

In short, I would like to drop off the face of the earth for a few weeks and spend time on me, myself, and I. But, it isn't possible, and even if it was, would I actually come back with what I desire, or just a need for more?

February

So, how are my resolutions going, you ask? Well, the one to be prettier is working. Wait, I don't think I talked about that here. My brother Jeff's lovely wife Victoria had two New Year's resolutions. One: to be prettier. Two: to put herself before others. I see nothing wrong with these, and stole the first for myself. Since then I've had a classmate text me about how pretty I've been looking, many strangers complimenting my outfits (never happened in the past, probably because I generally looked like shit) and I have an admirer at Freddy's Frozen Custard who admitted that he has 2 kids (one is 15) and a felony. So, BAM! As for the whole "bettering myself"....we'll just say its a work in progress, but I feel there's at least a little progress. Movin on up!

One thing I've been definitely meaning to do is frame some artwork and get more beautiful shit on our mostly bare walls. Prettify, bitches!
Got this from my stepmom for Xmas. Pretty colors!
Had this framed on our wall in NOLA, but in a frame that looked pretty awful with it and eventually went to our badass Witchcraft print. This is much better and will make me happy to have a reminder of our other home.
Lauren painted me this for Xmas and made me ridiculously happy. I LOVE HOMEMADE GIFTS! I love this painting! Its a frog's reproductive system. Awesomeness.
And, I finally got an air plant for my favorite little deer! Its a bit small right now, but it'll get a little bigger and look even more great-er. Truth.

In other news, we're starting to watch Archer Season 2 on the bluray I got my man because I love him. So I'm off to enjoy that.