How does one reconcile and make time for all the different parts of a normal life? The work Lynsie, the school Lynsie, the private Lynsie, the public Lynsie. Now, time management is definitely a big problem for me, but it goes beyond that. I need to go on a journey of self-discovery, but without it being toxic to any of the different pieces of me, and I really haven't found a way to do that. In the past, I've tried, and it either ruined something with my work, my friendships, my relationship, or just my private self, me.
I'll be 30 in a few months, and I feel like I should have grown up more by now. Mike accuses me of acting like a child still, and I guess that is true in many ways.
I'm not sure the point of this, I just really think that our generation is screwed in a lot of ways. We were taught that we can be ANYTHING if we get an education and we have the willpower, and mostly that is a lie. In some ways our parents, many of whom had a set path in life that left little choice, had it a bit easier when it came to awareness of who they are and what is expected of them. So many people our age are just drifting, and have no idea what to make of their lives. Even those of us that chose wisely in education and career paths can feel so lost.
We have the illusion of the world being open to us, but when we get into the actual world, we realize how many obstacles and limitations are in the way.
Hmm...how to wrap up? I guess I just don't know how to cultivate joy in my life right now, with the pressures of school, work, family, household, love... How do I find the time and energy to better myself, to find what matters most to me, to find meaningful pastimes that enrich my....soul, for lack of a better word.
In short, I would like to drop off the face of the earth for a few weeks and spend time on me, myself, and I. But, it isn't possible, and even if it was, would I actually come back with what I desire, or just a need for more?
My little corner of the world to get my thoughts out.
" Even those of us that chose wisely in education and career paths can feel so lost. "
ReplyDeleteSo true. Good luck with your self discovery adventure.
I think part of our problem is that we are made to feel like our worth is what we do. We are told if we do enough, work hard enough, become something cool, then we will be fulfilled. We end up feeling like we are never enough and so maybe we should do more. If we do the right thing, if we concentrate on the right things, and we make a plan and never deviate, that we will somehow be happy.
ReplyDeleteIt is a bunch of bullshit, sister.
Happiness is an active pursuit and so is fulfillment. I tried so hard to be what other people wanted me to be and I failed miserably. The best thing that ever happened was having my world destroyed and not being able to build it up the way I thought I should.
I still struggle with happiness and worthiness. I still have issues feeling like I am enough, but I can deal with it most of the time.
Lynsie, you are smart, funny, beautiful, creative, and kind. You have so many things that are amazing about you. I hope you can find a way to get to that place, even if it means failing miserably.