Taking Sides

I wondered what could cause people such anger in divorce that they would be willing to spend thousands of dollars in lawyer's fees fighting over belongings that would cost a fraction of that price to replace.  I wondered why someone would spend bitter years of their life when they could just come to a shitty compromise and get it over with.  I still wonder, but I can alllllmost see why.

Once you begin the painful process of separating many years of belongings that the two of you have accrued over the years, tempers are bound to flair.  We are both trying to be civil, but at times this seems impossible and anger seems the only way.  And so, things are said.  Things that are true, actually, but still are said in such a way as to maximize damage to the other person.

All I can say to anyone who may be a sympathetic ear to either side in a breakup--remember this--generally, both sides are the victim and both sides are the bad guy.  Relationships are complicated and messy and when you are hearing one side you always need to remember that it is just that--one side.  So, I've done shitty things and I'm wrong.  But, he's done shitty things and he is wrong.  We are both right and we are both wrong.  I find the most unfortunate aspect of this divorce for me is that in the beginning, I just wanted to stay quiet, take the blame, and be left alone.  Which of course led to only his side being told, and almost every single one of my closest loved ones taking his side and trying (consciously or not) to shame me.  But, I knew he was in pain, and I took it.  I allowed that.  But it would be a little nice now for people to realize that his side is not the entire story.  I still refuse to stoop to airing our dirty laundry.  It is no one's business.  I just want you to know that there are things no one knows, and there are reasons I did the things I did.  These reasons are not excuses, and do not mean that I am free from blame, but Jesus fucking Christ, people.....

I couldn't fall asleep last night I was so angry, and thus was late to work from sleeping in.  And, in my tiredness, I decided to respond to an angry email in kind.  Oh, it was a long rant going over years of heartache and frustration.  All caused by anger over our record collection.  But of course its never that simple in a divorce, is it?