Carousel

The term "rollercoaster of emotions" is trite and overused.  So, I'm saying I'm on a carousel right now.  I'm riding a pretty, pretty horse, and going around and around looking at the pretty sights...but sometimes I start to feel a little motion sickness and want to get off.  Ok, that's ridiculous.  Seriously though...I do love a good carousel.  I always took the time (if there weren't too many people) to carefully pick out the prettiest steed and then while riding I would tell it how awesome it was while petting its mane.  Of course, if there was a rabbit to ride, hot damn!  I was in heaven.

Oh wait a minute...why the hell was I writing this blog again?  Oh yeah.  I'm still cycling back and forth between sadness and anxiety, numbness, and sheer joy.  The happy parts of my life are slowly but surely creeping up on the others, though, and I'm able to focus more on the awesomeness than on the stressfulness.  Here, lists are fun, let's compare them.

List of sad:
School, stressful as always
Lab, still feeling a bit behind and very unmotivated
Family, still freaking out about my life choices
Friends, those that I've lost are still fresh wounds

List of happy (thanks, Selina!):
School--I'm feeling more confident since the whole A-in-the-middle-of-a-breakup
Lab--Dr. Ding is happier with my work than she had been, and I'm understanding the direction I will be taking more
Family--mostly supportive, and some of them have really truly surprised me
Friends--I have awesome ones that make me laugh and stick by me

Also:
Every Sunday we've been hiking somewhere.  Whether it be close, like the trails behind Lake Hefner, or driving up to Stillwater to hike the lake, down to Norman to Thunderbird, etc.  We take the soccer ball and the BB gun, and I'm getting much better with both.  I can kick the ball up over obstacles and my aim is getting pretty good with it, and as for the gun, holy shit I'm pretty awesome!  Now to get my crossbow....
I've been eating better, almost never eating out.  We cook a lot, and I get to eat damn good African stew several times a week. I'm even learning to like fish (if seasoned well, of course).
I've been exercising more, I have some apps on my new Kindle (thanks Mom!) that are pretty awesome and kick my ass just enough to give me that soreness the next day that I love, plus I make an effort to keep moving at work and to always take the stairs.
D has started playing soccer, and I'm considering upping my practice times and possibly, just maybe, joining the team.  There are a lot of girls playing, actually the best player on their team is a girl.  It would force me to get more exercise, more social involvement, and it looks like hella fun.  Of course, me being me, it would be a major step--playing a team sport?  Craziness!  We'll see, I have to get a lot better before I'd submit myself to that embarassment. 
I finally got a library card in OKC, and although I really don't have time to read anything non-science, I think I'm going to start renting books on tape.  I miss reading for fun, and now that my commute to work is between 20-30 minutes each way, I could easily burn through some books that have been on my reading list for years.
I love being a part of the foster program for the Humane Society.  No matter how much I love this little kitty we have right now, I like that she will go to a new home and we can give another animal a chance after her.  I got an email yesterday with a list needing homes last night, and was very tempted to take a dog (or two), but resisted because of Nola's recent spay.  I don't need to add stress to her while she's healing.  She'll be going to the adoption center soon (sad face) and then we'll be able to take a new animal.  Although, once we've decided where we're living for the next year (our lease is up), I'm seriously considering getting a permanent house rabbit from Heartland Rabbit Rescue (where I volunteered before moving to NOLA).

So, even though I have some low levels of anxiety remaining, and every once in a while I need a good cry to process shit, overall I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.  Hopefully I can clear out the rest of the emotional clutter some time soon and just be able to focus solely on my list of happy.  Derrick's ridiculously positive attitude about life is helping a lot.  If we can both find a balance between the two of us--my overly fretful nature and his overly laidback, we'll make it, by god!