Grateful

I know there's still a lot of hurt and anger over my divorce, from many people.  But I would like to say one thing about it, then I will try to move on and let this blog only reflect my present.

Looking back at all the blogs I've kept, I see a startling link between them.  I was constantly complaining that I almost never had anything good to say.  I came to them to write when I was upset, panicked, apathetic,  or miserable.

My ex was pretty much the same.  Every year seemed to get worse than the last.  Shit just seemed to fall all around us, and our perspective was skewed by our unhappiness.  It was never that more bad things happened to us, it was just that we didn't have a foundation underneath us that we could count on when these things came.

Now....bad things come, I let them flow over me.  I may get momentarily upset, may cry a bit or freak out for an hour or two.  But I never go to bed unhappy.  I don't let things get to me for days/weeks/months/years at a time.  I have a foundation of happiness built up underneath it all, and it makes the worst things seem manageable.  I hope that it is true for my ex, too.

So, right now, I'm letting my life be filled with gratitude.  Every day I am constantly amazed by how good life is, even with the bad shit thrown in.  Bad things only serve to highlight the good.

So, today, I am grateful for my boss finally backing off a bit and realizing I may have too much work to be able to study effectively.  I'm thankful for the Charles River rep who promised to mail me the nude mice posters I've been wanting for years now (nudist colonies!!!!! totally getting framed for the house, Derrick better like it).  I'm thankful for my birthday weekend and a couple days of relaxation (although my study materials will be joining us, I can't afford even one full day off right now).  I'm thankful for my Mom, who, as Derrick said "is way too good to us."  I'm thankful for all of my classmates--we seem to be the only year that sticks together and supports each other as much as we do.  I'm thankful for our new house, and all the things that make it a place I love to be.  I'm thankful for Derrick, who helps me to be more cognizant of all of the good things, and to slow down and notice the beauty in everything.  And today, most of all I'm thankful for spring.  If it weren't for my damn exams I would be spending every single night riding bikes with D and every single weekend hiking.  C'mon May!