SCIENCE

I'm a scientist. I'm a god damn scientist. Just thought I'd try that out. There was a running joke for a while because Mike had been talking about some random thing and I said "Well, as a scientist..." and then gave my jackassy opinion on the subject. At the time, I was a cashier at Whole Foods, so the whole "Scientist" title didn't fit me so well. So, any time Bamburg or Mike wanted to make fun of me, they'd say "As a scientist..." and we'd have a good chuckle about my idiocy. But here's the crazy thing...I'm a scientist now. I have Projects and Publications and Collaborators and mouse lines that I, by myself, bred and genotyped and now maintain. I have a Field. I can talk about checking the literature for more information about whatever I'm working on, I can make small talk with other researchers at a conference, I can take meaningful notes during a seminar that will later pertain to my work and help me better my data. I have real questions that I don't always feel stupid about asking. It kinda feels sometimes like I'm a kid playing dress up...and it is weird.

Two things happened today to make me feel a little more legit and less like I'm trying to put on a scientist suit and play pretend. I had my first ever presentation where my heartbeat didn't raise, I didn't start sweating profusely, and my face didn't turn cherry red. I competently presented data that 2 days ago I read and thought "what the fuck does that mean?" Sure, it was just for Journal Club, a class that requires a poop-ton of work but yet is only worth one measly credit hour. But it was my first non-freak-out presentation! That is worth fuckin' celebratin'.

We also had a symposium today for the eye institute, with lots of seminars about lots of different aspects of eye research. And I enjoyed it! I actually got something out of several of the lectures, and I am actually going to find a couple of the researchers so I can ask them further questions about their data to try and figure out how to better my imaging methods! I didn't just go and nap or zone out. Weird.

So, although there is a party tonight to go along with the symposium, and I really thought about going, because I need to get to know these people so I can pick out my committee for my dissertation...I'm doing something awesome. I've been so damn stressed this week (see....my first F in grad school from Monday) and I just need to celebrate these small victories before another round of grueling tests.

I promise I'll write a more interesting blog next time...and it will include headless babies. And halloween talk....

Bye!