Fears: Both Irrational and Unfounded

Let's talk about a serious and a not so serious fear of mine today, shall we?

Ever since I was fairly young I've had a serious aversion to certain patterns, especially a regular, repeating pattern of small holes.  The first couple times I really remember noticing them were once on a plane, when I saw a pattern in the fields below, and another time with these awful shoes that were popular.  They were shitty adidas sandals with the rubber pegs that massage the bottoms of your feet, and we wore socks with them *shudder*.  Anyway, sock lint would accumulate in the bottoms and you could pull it out, but there would be holes in the lint block in the pattern of those pegs and it freaked me the fuck out.  Later, I saw an anime in which a villian had a beehive in his back, and an X-Files episode in which someone thought they had roaches crawling under their skin.  So, know, when I see these patterns, I think of maggots, roaches, bees, or other living creatures burrowing out and making these patterns in my flesh.  Fun stuff.  BUT, until today, I had no idea there was a word for it and that it was fairly common!  Trypophobia--but don't google it too much, lest you catch it--because I warn you, looking at enough images of patterns of holes in skin (photoshopped or not) will cause you to become revulsed.

On to the next--not being smart enough to finish this whole school shit I've started.  Seriously, pretty much every day since I started I have felt that I was the worst student in the class, that I couldn't keep up, that I lacked the basic knowledge that everyone else seemed to have.  But yet....I'm doing it!  I've had a few downs, but they are always followed by bad assery.  Yep, got a B and then a C (C is failing in grad school in case you didn't know) in Molecular Biology, but then followed that by A's in both Cell Bio classes (my major, so I better...).  And this semester, we only had one course.  A killer fucking course that was strangely organized and a fucking bitch to study for.  I worked my ass off.  One of our Halloween movie nights was spent with me hearing everyone drunkenly laughing in the other room while I went over and over and over the Wnt, Notch, and Hedgehog pathways.  I spent days (literally, probably around 70 hours) in the library for this last test, not even counting all the time I spent studying at work and at home.  And sure, a lot of that was spent going back and forth between my book and my Facebook....but--that shit PAID off!  89.6 in the class, which rounds up to a god damn A, bitches!

And so, I look toward my general exams next semester....the ones that gave me such horrid anxiety every time I thought of them, the ones that seemed so insurmountable and unpassable...and I think...holy shit, I can do this.